Fans >> Fan Fiction >> Is This Desire?

By Louise

You know you shouldn't be doing it. You're in love with someone else right? How come then your looking at this other guy, this man you have come to know so well in the last week, how come your looking at the clock, counting down the moments until the people leave your workplace so you can do it again. So you can let him, your lover, let him have you against the bar, on top of a table, in the toilets, against a wall like your first time.

You just can't help it, you do love your boyfriend, he gives you a comfortable existence, his not bad nor too good but then his not exciting, he likes to talk about sport to his mates all the time, when you come in from your shift at this bar your currently in, his asleep already or his out. You want to get into to bed and have him make love to you like he used to when you first met but its been 2 years since then and you know deep inside of your heart the spark has gone, the flame isn't there anymore.

This is why you have been allowing him, the new man in your life to do the things he does to you, he fills you with passion and makes you feel alive again. He talks to you like your opinions matter, like his really interested, its not just about the sex, its about the feeling you get when you speak to him during your breaks. Its about how when you first went over to him to collect his empty glass he actually made eye contact with you, that when you took his order and said 'have a nice evening' he said 'have a nice evening' back. It's how when you took his drink over he asked you to sit down, its about all the little things this stranger, this man called Julian does for you. He buys you drink, hell only last night he came in with flower's for you, even though he knows you have a boyfriend, even though after his been inside of you, you ask him to leave because you feel bad for what you've been up to behind the man you live with back.

Its not just the flower's, it's the other little things he does. Like the moment he walks into the bar he goes up to you and asks how your day has been. How when you get a break and you met outside in private with him he wraps his arms around your waist and covers your flesh in kisses and he says it 'I'm falling in love with you' and you have said it back, just the once. You want to say it more but your boyfriend, your loyal faithful boyfriend you can't be such a bitch to him. He works very hard, he pays your share of the rent because you're only a student and this bar work doesn't pay well. He is kind when he wants to be, sure he has forgotten your birthday but he has a lot of pressure at work, he can't be perfect right?

Then how come this man, the one you're watching as he sits at the bar that your wiping down, how come he acts perfect. He calls you sweet names like 'honey' and he means it out of love. He pays for your taxi home every night after you've done the things his done. When he was first in you, it felt so right. The first time you thought it would just be fuck, that you were only doing it because you had a rough day and there was this sweet guy who had asked how you were doing, had talked to you and when you had been clearing up the bar had wandered out of the gents confused at where everyone was. He had offered to help you stack the chairs on the tables, whose hand touched your hand and then you were his against the wall. He was inside of you, throbbing and hard, moaning for you, you were crying in ecstasy. It eventually ended and you never felt so good in your entire life, he had been kissing your chest with his tongue you would get to know so well across your entire body. He had been a god and treated you like his goddess.

Your smiling to yourself at the memories and you glance at your watch, only a few more minutes until people will start to leave. Your boss is really pleased that you've been offering to lock up this past week but he wouldn't be so happy if he knew the things you were doing in his bar, across his tables, on the floor. How you have to clean up after yourself and the man your currently staring at because when your with him your wild, when your with him your juices, your dampness is everywhere and so is his.

He smiles back to you and gives you his knowing look, the look, the stare that says 'I'm waiting for you honey, I need you so much, I want to take you right here'. You fleetingly touch his hand as you clean his spilt alcohol and he grins.

Still your thinking, your wondering how can you feel like this? How, its only been going on a week, you do have a boyfriend, he could have a girlfriend for all you know. Yet everything feels so perfect like a fairytale, you can't let it end. But you don't feel like you can dump the man you've been with for two years, you still kinda love him even if he likes to make decision on your behalf even if you only have sex when he wants it and sometimes he likes it a little rough and you allow him to have that, especially now. Especially since you feel guilty at what you've been doing with your God.

You remember reading this dodgy book by some sappy romantic writer about a woman in a predicament like yours. She found some stranger and started sleeping with them, started an affair up even though she had someone else. Only she felt so guilty at what she done she would go home and have a bath, change her clothes to get rid of the smell, the scent of her lover. You don't do that, you relish smelling his aftershave, the alcohol he drinks on your skin your clothes. When you're in the taxi he always pays for even though you treat him with a sort of disdain afterwards. When you sit as the vehicle swerves through the city you wrap your clothes around you and remember all the things he did to you that night and when you go home if your boyfriend, your partner is out still you don't have a bath, a shower you lay on the bed and you wonder how your lover, your man, your angel makes you feel like your floating when your with him.

Eventually it happens, your fellow workers begin to ask people to leave and he steps outside winking at you, he knows in about ten minutes time that you will let him back in and it will start all over again. You can't wait. Does it make you unfaithful? Yes. Does it make you feel bad? No not when your doing it, then afterwards yes.. Do you want to stay with him forever? You think so. Still though its not that simple, if you left your boyfriend you would have to move out, you could stay with friends you know, but if you ended it for your new love even though you want to stay with him forever would it work? You don't know and as you clean up and wave your friends off you don't care, his going to be yours again.

About ten minutes have pass, you straighten your skirt out, pat your hair down and walk over to the entrance unlocking it, and as you knew he would be, his waiting. He asks how your doing, his infamous question, you say your alright and you usher him in, closing up behind you, taking his hand and wandering over to a table.

You both sit down and he looks at your shyly when you lean over to ruffle his hair and you tell him how handsome he looks because he deserves that. He plays with your foot under the table and trails his own up your leg, its his foreplay, its only the start.

He reaches into his pocket and produces a small box handing it to you. You frown and wonder what it can be. He tells you it's your week anniversary, that he got you something so you can always remember him. You open it but even though you are looking at a beautiful bracelet, you feel sad. You're sad because what if in the end this piece of jewellery and your memories are all you have left of him. What if you never have a chance of something more meaningful?

You hide your sadness from him, he looks so happy and you place it on, the sliver glimmering back at you as you rise from your sit and move over to him. You place yourself down on his lap; your back resting against the edge of the round table. His arms secure around your waist making your t-shirt ride up. You place your own round his waist and then you kiss.

Your tongues feel like they are everywhere, his are parting your lips devouring you whole, your gasping for air, you never want it to end. You can feel him harden between your thighs and you grind your body against him to excite him further. Moans vibrate in your mouth from his body, this is the most wonderful thing your ever known. Its love not just sex but something else. He breaks away from the embrace, your hot and needy for more and run your hands up his shirt.

"Get up on there" he growls, oh you love it when he does that, when he growls and sounds so sexy. He lifts your body, helps you up on the table as he moves closer in his chair, and spreads your legs.

You gaze at him in amazement its like something out of a soft porn movie as his head disappears underneath your skirt and tugs at your underwear that's wet already from thinking of him. You feel his mouth glide up your legs as he starts to drink from you. He licks and sucks and nibbles, he envelops you whole with his beautiful soft lips. You grab hold of the table for support as he does this, makes love to you with his tongue so deep and penetrating you as far as he can.

"Oh god" you scream out and he slows down deliberately its not teasing its torture as his leisurely licks up and down on your sex on your core that within a week he has explored all over. You cry out for more, wanting to feel his cold tongue on you, feeling the waves of pleasure that keep coming and coming as he wicked long fingers join him and rub, caress you so hard. Your swollen your screaming out for him to make you come its all you can say faster, your so wet, so fucking wet because of him. He picks his speed up rougher rubbing, longer sucking until it happens.

"Fucking hell" you holler as you finally give into to what his mouth is doing to you, you feel your juices run down your legs, run into his willing mouth and across his naughty fingers. Your back crashes against the table you need oxygen as he kisses you a final time on you sphere and reveals himself to you getting up and joining you on table.

You think he wants more, you can see his ready for something as you gaze at the shape in his tight jeans but instead he leans in and kisses you again this time his lips taste of you what his done to you. Gentle light kisses no other touches just lips. It's wonderful, truly wonderful. You want it to last forever but the tingling in your body is pleading for more and all you do is lightly brush against his crouch and his member is engorged.

He takes your hand and gestures for you to undo his jeans for him, you do this because his given you that look that look you wish your boyfriend would give you then you would never have to do this with this male now, if just once he gave you that look. Buts its not just that, not in two years has he delved into you area with only his lips, he says is dirty and unnatural yet expects you to go down on him, hypercritical you know but now you've had it from your new love how can you go back never having that sensations between your heat again?

You think all this quickly as you undo his restraints and let his inflamed organ become released. You climb on top of him as his legs dangle of the edge and he has to keep propping his head up. You allow him to slide into you, you don't even think about protection because you never have done it with barriers. Not the first time you did it and though it seems irresponsible it feels so good.

Your hands press down on his chest, his own ride up you skirt and clench into your buttocks. You grind against him in slow circles allowing his shaft to fill you whole make you feel on the brink off exploding. He calls your name, and 'baby, baby more, more'. His mouth is slightly open, his face is overwhelm with pleasure and his beauty. You wonder if he does this with anyone else, does he have a faithful girlfriend like you a loyal boyfriend? If he did why would he come to you every night, why would he want you to ride him like you are now, if this was merely about fucking then maybe but its not and you look at your new bracelet and find yourself allowing him to pierce, to spear you further.

"Don't stop, mmm, more, more" he grabs you nearer for kisses and licks up you neck and removes his right hand from your moulds to snake it up your t-shirt and begins to knead your nipples into buds of flesh.

Its so close you can feel it, how fast his pelvis is humping to be with you, how his moved so he can expose your top and bite down ever so gently on your chest as you sit on him and clutch yourself onto his whole ready to be filled to the max with his astonishing honey You can't keep it in any longer, you look at your surroundings, just a rundown bar no mic lighting, painted with dark colours, your heaven with him for 7 days.

"Jesus" he cries out and shots his nectar into you causing you to arch your back and almost lose your balance as you both yell in harmony each other's name.

Then what always happens. You climb of him and you feel the guilt. How could you do this when you live with someone else, how could you fuck this stranger? The guilt quickly goes and you just feel weird and tense as you search for your underwear and he lays there watching you.

"I phone for taxi" he says and gets off sighing as he reaches in his jeans pocket for his phone and dials the number that has become familiar to him since he meant you

"Sorry, its not you, you know that right?" you try to explain and its not him, its you, your fault for allowing it to happen in the first place you could have said no but when would you gain your pleasure from then, certainly not your boyfriend, only when he wants it, only the way he likes.

He finishes his call sorts himself out turning to you, his obviously upset, not tears just sadness in his voice and face "it will only be a few minutes"

"Please us, thank you for the present, thank you for tonight" You just can't say what you need to even though his heart is breaking.

"I'm" He pause and takes your hand. He does ii in such a loving way you want to fall on your knees and worship him for being so wonderful to you.

"Falling in love with me I know" You finish for him and gently stork his arm, bowing your head

"No I am in love with you" he says instead

You can't respond to that because you feel the same way and you feel its impossible and you know its wrong. The pair of you grab your things not saying a word as you exit the place and lock up. His waiting for you to say something but its just too hard.

"I keep coming back because I love you so much" he repeats his declaration as the taxi heads down the street towards you.

You look at him directly in the eyes and say it you have to, because it's true, your boyfriend is just someone you live with not someone you love

"I love you too" you say but still as the taxi pulls up you get in, don't even give him a chance to give you money for it, don't give him the chance to respond to what you have said as it pulls away. You know despite your revelations it won't change a thing, he will still be there tomorrow he will wait for you and you will do your things, he will send to heaven this man who drinks at the bar you work in. Maybe one day things will change, now that you both love each other but this arrangement fits your lives perfectly are you willing to change that, to alter your existence for him?

You shouldn't do it but you glance around and see him walk behind the vehicle you are in, his hands are deep in his back pockets and he looks lost in thought. You turn back round and gaze at your bracelet; you run your finger across your lips. They taste of you both. You bring your clothes close to your nose and inhale his scent. Its perfection, its what you need. Its love, its desire, its everything. From the moment you set eyes on him you wanted him and in a way you have him, every night he makes loves to you but you don't get a proper relationship. You can't handle that anymore. You can't live a life full of lies. You knock on the glass that separates you and the driver

"Please turn back round" you ask you need to be with that man, you need to be with Julian. You smile as the car turns around and bolts down the street to pull in by the curb where he is standing looking confused.

Life is even about to get better or get worse. As you open your door you will find out real soon.

Part Two

Your walking away from the bar she works in. Your numb, she just told you she loves you, yet she still got into that taxi that is quickly speeding away from you. Fuck, fuck, fuck is all you can think. Don't declarations of your emotions, of love mean anything these days?

That bracelet you gave her, you spends the last two days searching the shops for something unique, special to give to her because from the moment you sat down in that bar and caught her in your eyesight you not only wanted her, wondered what her lips, her flesh would taste like, you felt something much deeper. You somehow against all the logical explanations of the world feel in love with her.

You sigh heavily, why the fuck did she have a boyfriend? Why, why, why, life is bullshit you concede. Yet now you seriously wonder what goes on in her mind, what possessed her to allow you to pin her against the bar. What was working in her brain when she urged you to run your hands up her thighs and rip her underwear off, undo your jeans and fuck this stranger you only known for a few hours. Yet you managed to crave and love, need and want her that you came back every night to exact pleasure on her, to have her repay the favour, when her lips wrap around your dick and suck you dry as you hold her hair and will yourself not to come, to hold it in because you need to relish the moment but when you do its magnificent, like a million light kisses across your skin.

You know despite how low, desperate you feel now, you will see her tomorrow, you will be sent into a new world as the pair of you get hot, sticky, wild, untamed on a table, the floor, in the toilets, wherever feels right.

So it somewhat shocks you, takes you back and makes you think that you must be dreaming when you hear a car come closer and when you look up from the sidewalk you see the taxi you phoned for, that she jumped in after her admission of love, when you see it turn around and dart down the street, stopping where you stand, now completely confused. Maybe she needs money, yeah that's it right?

The passenger seat opens and you look around totally bewildered by everything. The taxi driver gives you an impatient look and you move closer to the back and take a peep. 90% of you heart is saying it won't be her, it won't, it can't, she has someone else, she uses her as her sex-toy. A way of expressing her dirty fantasies her boring boyfriend wouldn't want to know or know how to do.

She's there, she's fucking there. Leg's crossed looking as hot, sexy as you remembered, she stares then smiles, all at you, fuck does she want you?

"I love you, I need you, please get in" she says huskily and you swear your getting turned on just be her voice, that your hardening in your trousers. You do as she says and climb in, slamming the door behind you and shifting over to her. Your not sure what's going on but when the taxi starts up again and the driver asks her where she wants to go she says carry on. Jesus she wants to go to her place. She's taking you, yes you her lover back to her fucking apartment.

"Are you sure?" you ask bewildered but her hands rests above the waistband of your jeans and she winks at you

"A 100%" she replies snaking her hand down your pants running her fingers up and down your solid mould.

You try to hold your groans in, aware that your in a taxi and that your getting too close to climaxing all over the seat. But the driver has put the radio on and isn't paying attention to you both as her hands grip you hard and pump rapidly.

"Thank y…" your praise is cut of and you bury your head on her shoulder biting down as she covers your lap with her bag and jerks you off further, it feels incredible, better than you can ever do to yourself. How her fingers tease the head of your ready to shot weapon, juices already trickling across her palms "Baby" you stifle your groans pushing your pelvis towards her wicked, sensual, wonderful hands releasing your load all over her.

"I want to be with you" She whispers licking your cum of her fingers, once again the blood crashes into your groin, watching her voluptuously suck her fingers clean as she smiles at you.

"Not in here" you laugh slightly, and go to kiss her lips, tasting your juices on her lips, it makes you feel somehow that she really does love you, that she cares for you and you place your hand on her thigh, its all you can do for now, after all you are in a taxi.

She pulls away and nods her head "No I want to be with you, do you get that? Do you know what I mean Julian?"

Before you get a chance to respond the vehicle pulls into the curb. It goes fast, her getting out, you following, paying the driver as the car darts away and she takes your hand and you enter her apartment block. All this time you keep thinking what she said, she wants to be with you, a proper relationship is that was she means? Or is it merely the fact that she's horny, that she gets wild and needs your body and that all she wants from you is another fuck, another unprotected, hold nothing back screw her brains out. Even if when you do this to her, you still love her, in your mind your making slow love to her and she's naked, beautiful goddess. Because you've never seen her bare flesh completely before, only glimpses of it, and as she opens her apartment door and ushers you in, not even having time to turn the lights on, you wonder if she will let you stay the night or ask you to leave afterwards.

"What about Chris?" You mutter hands stuffed in your back pocket as she takes her coat of and you can tell from the look in her eyes that she wants sex, she wants you to take her and no matter how much your trying to resist, trying to stop this so you can talk to her properly you can feel yourself yearn for her and your body is calling to hers, wanting you to touch her all over as she does the same to you.

"His working late" she replies switching a table lamp on and she goes over to the CD player and presses a few buttons. You kinda recognise the song as being by Jeff Buckley because she likes to play his stuff at the bar, he has this beautiful voice which even as a guy you can acknowledge as sending shivers down your spine. You smile at the words being sang because they remind you of her

Then she sighs heavily as she stands in front of you and you realise something is wrong "He always works late, I don't love him anymore, he…" she stammers and bows her head

"Elizabeth?" You question and place your thumb on her cheek wiping her tears away, your worried, she's never cried like this and her body is shaking "He does what?"

"Hurts me, sometimes" she whispers and stares to you, pain radiating from her eyes, and your body lurches, you feel sick at what she is saying, how can anyone hurt her, how, the sickness is soon replaced by a growing anger as she continues "When we're together, he" she sniffles again "I'm sorry you didn't come here for this, I still want you" she's trying to act like it doesn't matter, she's trying to act all sexy but it's not working.

"What does he do?" you ask, you really want to kill him, that bastard for even touching your precious girl, the woman you love so much it kills you when she's not there.

"Nothing, its not bad really, I mean I allow him to, he doesn't force me into anything, he just likes it" she rests her head on your chest.

"Rough?" you reply and you hold her closer, knowing she's listening to the music to calm herself down, realising that she's being hurt, damaged by her so called boyfriend, if he was here now you would murder him, no doubt about it.

She nods her head and moves away, sitting down on the sofa "His overpowering, he" she pauses again, fresh tears glide across her skin.

"Tell me please" you beseech and join her, her back is slightly turned and you know this is beyond difficult for her but that she needs not to see your face when she tells you.

"He digs his fingernails into my skin like claws, really digs them in when we're having sex, when he.." she says almost whispering and she lifts her top off and you realise that you've never seen her back before and that this is why, she has gashes, though they are healed across her shoulder blades, where fingernails have been, your heart sinks in grief. She's been hurt, hurt and you can't stand it, the pain she must have been in. She still doesn't look at you but her flesh is exposed "He said he wanted to try new things, I've never told anyone that, I keep trying to reason to myself that its okay because I, I, we us, I'm having an affair, so he deserves to have me how he likes, I keep repressing it, until now, now this moment, I had to tell you, I haven't even admitted it to myself but, but" she cries heavily as she rambles on

"Ssh" you whisper into her ear, touching her skin softly, running your fingers across the faint marks, leaning in and kissing her wounds tenderly

"He doesn't deserve you, I would never hurt you" your holding your tears in because crying won't help her and your not losing your temper because she doesn't need a man like that, she needs someone she can trust. You have to be that man, the one to protect her.

"I know" she turns and places her hands on your stomach, staring intensely, only her bra covering her chest, her tears drying up slowly "Your different, Chris and I aren't right for each other, he wants me to get a proper job, he wants me to settle down with him, have children, he has me how he likes, does what he wants"

The songs ends and there's silence between you, until she reaches for the remote control and switches the CD, another beautiful sweet song plays, its Jeff again, but you can tell that she is soothed by his voice, so you don't make a comment

"Do you want to leave him?" You finally ask as she moves her body slightly in movement of the music.

She looks to you and smiles slightly "Yes"

"I help you do it" you say and your heart stops when she wraps her arms around your neck and kisses you long and hard, melting lips, merging tongues, wonderful thoughts and your anger for her bastard boyfriend subsides as she lays down on the cushions waiting for you to say something

"Please stay with me, don't leave, make.." she hesitates and blushes.

"Love to you" You finish, this night has been crazy you know, you only expected what you usually get but she's taking her bra off and slipping her skirt down her legs and your taking your top off and unbuckling your belt and the music that's playing fits perfectly with the loving actions your doing to her.

You move her so she can rest on a cushion as you straddle her, your hands have discarded of her underwear and your both naked in this dimly lit room, she needs this, she needs to know, to feel taken care off, to have someone not hurt her. Your in her warmth slowly, unlike before your conscious of the pain she's been through and that your sex is quivering as it eases in further you fall down on her chest and the rhythm is unhurried, slow grinds as you encircle yourself further

"Julian" she groans softly placing her arms on your neck "Julian" she gasps, its perfect, how you move within her heat and let out muffled moans of pleasure

Her fingers grip onto your hair as you rock back and forth to delve into her wetness more, her legs wrap round your waist honey

"Julian" she loves to say your name and you know she is close to climaxing because her nipples are pressed hard against your chest and she's lubricated you so much with her juices that you slide in and out, grunting softly.

"After this we'll leave, you can stay with me" You promise as you feel your balls squeeze up reading to burst in lust and passion

She simply smiles and forces you to go a little faster "I'm close, I'm close"

You knew this already and your own need has built up to breaking point as your pelvis bash against one and others "Shit" you cry out because you feel like you are going to have the most fantastic orgasm of your life

Your head is nestled on her neck and hers is hiding way in your hair as the time is coming and the sweat pours from your skin. The music is on random and thankfully the next song that plays is loud and drowns out your screams otherwise the entire block might woken up

"Julian, oh god" She yells out her body jerking violently with your own as you begin to cum deep inside of her

"I love you" you close your eyes and push in further with every thrust your juices met hers and you cry out I love you because you do, and you never want her to think otherwise.

"Don't leave me, please, don't ever hurt me" she's begging as she's climaxing as well and the songs builds up and she's calling your name over and over and everything sounds so loud but you don't hear the door open and you don't realise you being watched as you finish and smile down to her. You have found your one and must deal with the consequences.